Ladies this is one my favorite topics to blog about
especially because I am beautiful and educated African American women in the
dating world.
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I don’t know if where I’m from has a lot to do with it, but it’s
a large amount of successful young women man-less or have a half of a man! What
is a half of a man? A half of a man is a guy that is willing to TALK TO YOU FOR
YEARS but has no intention of making you all official! You will be going out (seldom),
movie nights at his house and then of course sex… BUT NEVER AN OFFICIAL
RELATIONSHIP!
As I was talking to one of my best guy friends he addressed
that this is one of our main problems, SEXING before a relationship evolves. Doing
this gives the guy the impression that he does not have to work on having you because
he has what he was after, your “kitty”.
And don’t get me wrong, some “talking relationships” are fine,
all the amenities of having a man just not the title, some females are content
with that; I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I’ve
been in a few and at the end of the day IT DOES NOT WORK. He has the right to
talk to other girls, go to the club and meet other girls, text and see other
girls, because FOR ONE, YOU AIN’T HIS GIRL!
Guys will keep the successful and educated women as a side
jank, but impregnate and wife up the girls who aren't doing much of anything
with their life. What’s the reason you
ask? The higher a female is career and education wise the harder it is finding
her a man. Again, why do you ask? Guys are taught at a young age that they are supposed
to be the man of the house, the person who brings the bacon home, fix stuff
when things are working right, just doing their manly duties, so why would you
want a women who can do all those things herself and who never asks for your
help. Guys get girls who aren’t doing much with their life because they know
they can come and run stuff and feel like “the king that they are.” I AM NOT
MAKING THIS STUFF UP YOU GUYS. I am doing my research, I am talking to these
males, I am in these “talking relationships”, and I have fell victim of being a
side jank! Not only is it hard but it’s sad because we deserve so much more than
what we are receiving.
All of our lives we are taught to do something with our lives,
go to school, make a nice living, cure HIV, etc., but does that have to mean
skip over finding a soul mate because no guy wants a women doing good without
the help of a man?
Now while I say this, there are so many MANY many guys that
are available who want a strong willing women like us, but we over look them.
They’re the guys who are dedicated to their school or work, deeply involved
with church, or just simply not always in the spotlight. But for some reason,
we are somehow attracted to these flashy swag guys, decreasing the chances of
the good guy ever trying to approach us.
If any of you ladies have any advice to these girls
(including myself) who want to succeed but also want to have a healthy none-zealous
relationship, please post it below. I know too many girls who are risking their
college education to be a housewife. I do not want to compromise and jeopardize
being at the top by myself just so I can stand BEHIND a man working his way to
the top. I was not brought up like that and I know many other girls weren't either.
No one knows how adamant I am about this topic but I know
the time will come for someone to sweep us off our feet and treat us like the
queens we are, it will happen ladies, keep hope alive lol.
XOXO
-Ashley.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert nor am I in a relationship myself, however I do have my thoughts on this matter.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with being ambitious and chasing a dream, the same way there is nothing wrong with simply wanting to be a housewife and mother. What the independent women have to realize is that men like to feel needed, like they play an important part of a woman's life. Now imagine a woman who is constantly chanting 'I don't need a man' out of fear that the term need makes her weak. Why would a man want to be with someone who doesn't need him. I need you has such a negative conotation that we don't really understand it.
Independence in itself is a myth. We were created in pairs for a reason. Life exist within two. So really, as a human, we must learn how to coexist, meaning we depend on each other. When it comes to the black community, this belief started with the Willie Lynch letter, a blue print sent to slave masters on how to keep the race enslaved for centuries. Read it when you get a chance if you haven't, but it's a very explicit mechanism on how to separate black families, weaken the male, and keep the mother independent. And this cycle still continues...
Anyway, attract a man who won't make you compromise your dreams or your career. But at the same time, all relationships require some form of sacrifice. In all honesty, no one wants to be on top alone...be successful and have no one to share it with.
It's not even about the good vs. the bad guys but about meeting the person who you're supposed to be with, which doesn't alway come in a package you expect. Wait for a man who inspires you to be a better woman and is not intimidated by that. Until then, keep doing you until it happens.
Hope that wasn't too long of a comment lol
-Chymere Anais
lol no your comment wasnt long at all. what you said is 100% true. I will be googling that Willie Lynch letter because i would love to read it. Next semester i am taking a class on the black marital family and i am hoping this will better enlighten me on why so many of us black independent women are single or seem to settle for something we know is not what we desire!
Deleteagain i want to think you, i love when you come to my blog because you make me better understand alot of stuff, you're like a virtual mentor! thanks again!
awww you make me blush! Contact me anytime!
DeleteBesos!
As a teenager, I was a different kind of "black girl". I listened to Alternative Rock, wore bell-bottoms, spoke educatedly, and had tons of friends from all ethnicities. Some black people used to criticize me for "acting white" but they never realized how much of an advocate I am for black rights, acceptance, anti-racism and reparations. For years, I was single always feeling like I wasn't accepted by either crowd. I wasn't black enough and I wasn't white or other enough. I took my mom's advice and made sure I took care of myself - I had a job, my own place, my own money and I strove for my ambitions. I decided that whoever was out there for me would be someone special and I knew that I'd have to search the world to find him. My advice is - never stop striving for what you believe in and don't be afraid to put yourself in a strange place when it comes to meeting a guy or your soul mate. Sometimes you meet "the one" at a time when you weren't expecting it. It sounds cliche but I met my husband at a club in Los Angeles but he was from Michigan and a breath of fresh air in comparison to the other guys I'd met in LA. Maybe that guy who isn't afraid to let a women be successful lives in Paris or China. Maybe he's in a classroom in graduate school or skydiving off Mt. Everest. My point is put yourself in different settings to find that guy who is special. He may not be the guy next door but he may be the guy from the next country.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, hun!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any great advice cause I'm still trying to see the truth in all of it myself. I have a strong personality for some it's hard to deal with it. It's cool, just means you aren't my equal. I'm just learning that. Everyone isn't for everyone. I think we get so caught up in the hype of being alone that we attract that energy. I'm all about dating and seeing where it goes.
Skirt down, legs together.
i know it was a ramble. lol.
no it wasnt a ramble, i love to hear people take on this situation lol. you're right everyone isnt for everything and it may take longer for women like you and i to find someone worthy to be in a relationship! Continue to kiss these frogs and one day your prince charming will come! =)
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